it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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