I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
