I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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