i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize