I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
