You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
