if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
