i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We named our party play list daddy issues
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
