he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
