When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
