you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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