Can Purell be used as lube?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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