She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize