i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
