I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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