So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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