i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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