You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
