NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
