I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
