I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
