it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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