Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
