In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
