"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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