that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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