It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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