He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
