A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
