All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
