Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
