Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
