i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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