The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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