please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You smell like stripper and shame
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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