hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
