and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
