I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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