Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
