We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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