so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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