Just cropdusted the office
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
a search helicopter?!
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
