im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize