i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Let's get the cat blown out
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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