McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
