you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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