idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
