the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
