we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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