I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
