I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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