i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize