the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
