I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
