i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
