ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
