i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
