The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
