i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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