i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
being pregnant is like rehab
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
