Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
