I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
