I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
then he tried to convert me to islam
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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