i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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