the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's not a walk of shame if you run
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
