My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize