make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
