You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
