I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
