dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
