omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
