I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
