I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
