How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
