that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
