Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
