I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel like a drive thru vagina
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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