she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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