Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
