I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
