so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize