I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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