Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
