How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
