Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
