So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
