what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
