angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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