I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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