drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize