I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
