Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
