Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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