I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
