Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize