i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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