I looked at my own cervix.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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