You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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