You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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