My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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