The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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