He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize