there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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