ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
