Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
