New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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