so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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