Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize