There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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