My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
