Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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