In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
