I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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