There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
